Friday, June 27, 2008

10,000BC (Emmerich, 2008)

I wanted to like this film. It looked big, dumb and stupid, and I like that sort of thing. I wasn't expecting historical accuracy and I wasn't expecting plot. However, I wasn't expecting the film to suck beyond all belief, either.

The film didn't entertain me, at all. The highlight of the film were the wonderfully rendered woolly mammoths, which were super cool. However, most of the rest of the film the visuals are terrible, which is pretty stupid for a big effects movie. There's far too much talking (complete with really bad accents and acting) for this to work as a big dumb movie.

So, because I wasn't being entertained, my mind set out to entertain itself, by evidently reading far more into the film than the filmmakers probably did, which led to my leaving the cinema offended as both a female and as someone with non-Caucasian blood in me. I could sum-up this film as "We macho Americans love you coloured folk, but are better than you and definitely don't like Arab-types. Oh, and women are useless."

The main heroic tribe is all-white, despite the dreads and the war paint. They lead a group of many different dark-skinned tribes in an all-out attack on a bunch of Arab-looking people, who fancy themselves gods. Oh, and the tribesmen are all MACHO and MANLY whilst the EVIL people are all bejewelled and prance around with long fingernails.

I could go on, but really, then I'd definitely be thinking about it more than the people who made it. My point it, I wouldn't really notice or be bothered by any of the above if the film had done its job and entertained me. I liked 300 and that smacks of underhand racism, and while I think this film is trying to be the kiddie-friendly 300 - historically-inaccurate (but it doesn't matter) throwback to how they used to make 'em - it fails utterly in having good bits to compensate for the bad. Where 300 is based on a comic and doesn't pretend to be anything else (hammy dialogue included), 10,000 BC actually fancies itself a serious film and really should've placed that tongue in its cheek.

Erm, anyway. Rant over, honest. Rent this film on DVD if you fancy a few laughs.

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